Stressing much?

Exams. Moving home. Saying goodbye to friends who are off to the next chapter of their lives. The weather getting warm enough to wear shorts. Magazines with your "Bikini Body" plan. It's enough to make this time of year a struggle for anyone, but especially for those of us who struggle with our eating and body image. If you're like me, times of stress (whether worrying about the exam I have tomorrow or about my new summer job) or change (even positive change, like being done another year of school) put me in a place where I really need to focus on staying with my recovery and give myself credit for how far I've come.

I've been reading "Food: The Good Girl's Drug" by Sunny Sea Gold. Her website is awesome! and filled with Blogs and articles that I've found helpful and especially timely this stressful month. My dietitian lent me the book, which just came out, and told me she'd met the author at a conference. I read her bio and immediately realized this woman is doing what I want to do: a) She has recovered. b) She is helping others talk about something that's taboo, trying to make everyone realize they're not alone. and c) She's the editor at Redbook, and she has worked at a bunch of other magazines.

Immediately I realized that letting my eating disorder stop me from going for what I want in life is stupid. Yes, this is cheesy, and no, it doesn't make studying for my exams any easier, but it is a reminder that just because we might be scared that we won't make it (get accepted to the program, get hired at that dream job right away, etc.) is no excuse to not try. I think having an eating disorder, for me, or even just focusing on food or my body, has given me an excuse to play it safe (saying I'll just stay on the track I'm in because I'm too sick or too distracted to really look for something that gets me going). If it weren't for my recovery, I would not have gone through the admittedly uncomfortable and hard process of realizing that
I am not happy with settling just because it's easy or because I'm not sure if I'll make it if I try to figure out what makes me happy and then go for iti. It's not worth it to play it safe when you realize that playing it safe means missing out, being miserable, and frankly, living a half-assed life.

I hope this helps someone. If you need a distraction from studying or whatever you're stressing about now, how about sitting with whatever it is that's stressing you out and getting to the bottom of it? Before, I'd have studied the night away then found myself bingeing, then feeling terrible about it (instead of worrying about my studying or lack thereof, perhaps), and then having something else to worry about for a while until the next round of the cycle began (not to mention the intense workouts I would have put myself through the following day). What's important is recognizing the cycle, breaking it, and being gentle with yourself. Even if you start to get into the pattern, i.e. find yourself eating a chocolate bar at midnight (not that there's anything wrong with this), you don't have to keep going. Admit that maybe that wasn't the best thing, move on, and realize that it takes about 20 chocolate bars to gain even ONE pound. If you learn that you don't need to binge, I think what you're gaining as a lesson is wayyyyy more important!

Good luck with everything, folks!